


Crisis on Infinite Hearts

by Morningstar96



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex's method of therapy is punching, Crisis on Infinite Earths (primarily after the event), F/F, Injuries and mild suicidal tendencies, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Kara almost dies, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena has a realisation, The girls are finally getting some therapy, thank god
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:21:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21784387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morningstar96/pseuds/Morningstar96
Summary: Kara is knocked out for over a week after her legendary battle with the Anti-Monitor. I haven't been watching the crossover or season 5 yet, I just have what I gathered from gifs and the comic (it's a heartbreaking read at times), but this primarily focuses on Kara and Lena working through their issues and getting some healing done, because these girls need a break.
Relationships: Alex Danvers and Kelly Olsen (minor), Brainy and Nia Nal (minor), Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor, Supercorp - Relationship
Comments: 19
Kudos: 253





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kara's speech in italics during her battle with the Anti-Monitor is taken directly from her speech in the original CoIE comic. It's a good read, really showed off Kara's bravery and selflessness. 10/10 would recommend.

It had been three weeks since their explosive encounter in the Fortress of Solitude.

Now they were fighting for the fate of the universes, and Kara wanted to scream at the misery of it all.

She was done.

She was done with the fighting, the endless show of villain after villain and crisis after crisis, done with herself for making the worst mistake of her life.

And she was so, so very tired.

Kara Zor-El tore through the atmosphere, her old rage reigniting and fuelling every cell in her body just as efficiently as the light from the yellow sun hanging overhead. Her scream ripped from her lungs and through her throat and into the air as she propelled herself straight at the giant form of the Anti-Monitor, fists first, her eyes lighting up in what felt like the most powerful blast of heat vision she’d ever produced.

Nobody would ever hurt her planet again.

_‘You’re the one responsible for all this insanity!’_

She rushed him with a punch that tore through his body, which started healing again as soon as she broke through it. _‘For all those deaths! How could you care so little for life? My God, all those people… those worlds… those universes.’_

Kara ignored the tears streaming down her face, throat raw from her yelling. In her head was the image of Argo falling to the anti-matter cloud, her Kryptonian family falling with it. ‘All gone… all gone…’ Her voice was reduced to a croak.

She saw her cousin, the large, proud figure of Superman flying forward to her defence; the Anti-Monitor turned to attack him.

Rage like Kara never knew before filled her very bones. Her eyes flared in heat vision again, and she slammed down to rip out a large chunk of pavement. ‘ _No! You’re not going to kill Superman.’_ She raised the pavement. _‘I won’t allow it! YOU HEAR ME??’_

She rushed the Anti-Monitor with everything she had, fuelled by the threat to her last living blood relative, the little cousin she had sworn to protect for years. And now, once again, her entire world was at stake. _‘All my life I’ve considered life to be the greatest of all gifts. But you’re a blasphemy of life! You don’t deserve to survive.’_

Kara couldn’t recall much after that. She remembered a wave of nausea, her entire body and mind and soul tensed with fury, her ears ringing with her own pent-up rage finally being released, her eyes hot and half-blinded, Kal-El screaming her name.

And then, nothing.

Lena Luthor had just fixed the Lex-suit, which had sustained major damage from the last battle. She’d started running outside the DEO even as the suit was still automatically encasing her body, and she was fully prepared to throw herself back into the brawl- and then she saw it.

_It_ being Supergirl plummeting out of the sky like a downed eagle, body limp and apparently lifeless, the Anti-Monitor looming above her. At ground level, DEO agents were carrying an unconscious Superman toward the headquarters.

Lena took a moment to realise she was screaming. Her feet were propelling her into the streets but she barely noticed, her focus bent only on the hero falling before her. Lena had just enough presence of mind to kick the suit into action and launch into the air. A few beats that felt like hours, and then Supergirl was in her armoured arms in a reversal of their usual life-saving encounters. Lena wanted to keep screaming at the indignity of it all, wanted to cry at the sight of the cuts and scabs and bruises covering what was usually impenetrable skin. But she was in a war-zone, and she had to get her foolish, selfish, selfless, hopeful hero back to safety.

The DEO was just as busy as when Lena had left it mere minutes ago. Agents parted before her like the Red Sea, but she ignored their gasps of horror at the sight of the beaten-down Supergirl hanging like a ragdoll in her arms. Not a welcome sight after seeing Superman being carried inside in the same manner.

‘Alex!’ she cried, already seeking out the director. Alex always knew what to do when Kara was injured, had had years of experience tending to Kryptonian wounds and health scares- Lena hadn’t seen her all morning, she’d probably been out in the battlefield the whole time, but she prayed to whatever gods that were listening that Alex was in here now.

‘ALEX!’

Alex Danvers burst into the lobby at Lena’s cry. Her eyes flew wide in alarm at seeing her limp and bloodied sister, but she snapped back quickly. Her eyes narrowed at the sight of Lena in the Lex-suit, but thankfully she ignored that in favour of the more pressing issue.

‘Med bay,’ Alex said, already turning to give orders to the medical crew.

Lena followed her into the med bay, already at full capacity. But the sunbed was specially reserved for Kara, and blessedly empty beside the other sunbed where an unconscious Superman now lay prone; Lena lowered her precious cargo onto the mattress under Alex’s careful supervision, and the medical team ran into action as soon as Kara was in position. Alex gave orders as she helped assess Kara’s condition, and Lena backed away and let them work. She’d done her part, and right now she could do little more than wait to help if she was needed, and hope that Alex’s experience in healing Kara would prove successful yet again.

Fifteen tense minutes passed by as the medics worked tirelessly on both of the Supers, Lena not moving a muscle as she watched Kara lie still and pale all the while. Alex didn’t stray further than a few metres, constantly checking Kara’s vitals and adjusting the sun lamps and injecting her with what looked like a Kryptonite syringe. Lena didn’t know what was in the syringe- probably something specifically needed to catalyse the healing process in Kryptonians, or perhaps it was something as simple as pain relief- but Kara didn’t look like she was responding to it. She knew, logically, that that didn’t mean much; Kara was still unconscious, after all, and perfectly unresponsive to anything.

But still, Lena worried.

And worried.

And worried.

It took eight days for Kara to stir. Eight days during which Lena was breaking her back to help save the universes, relentlessly splitting her time between studying anti-matter in her lab and helping the DEO fight off villains in her Lex-suit. She existed on less than four hours of sleep on any given day, and that was only on Alex’s insistence, and even then her sleep was fitful. She was plagued with nightmares: of Lex, of Eve, of Lilian, of her horrible loneliness when the first wave of antimatter rolled over Earth-38. The earths had been stabilised and most people had been brought back to normal, the only threat now being the Anti-Monitor and his villains, but the nightmares still remained. The worst one was the nightmare where she’d walk into the med bay and find Kara dead, or walk out of the DEO to save Kara all over again, only for her to die in her arms. Lena would wake up confused and with tears streaming down her face, heart screaming for Kara even though she’d never admit it. She’d check in the med bay first thing every morning to reassure herself that Kara was still stable; Alex was usually there as well, heavy bags now under her eyes, fretful at her sister’s lack of motion. Kal-El woke up on the sixth day, and leapt back into action as soon as Alex cleared him; he’d return on a regular basis to check up on Kara, and after a while even he began to look tired and haggard.

For her part, Lena gave up on any pretence of not wanting to check in on Kara. If she wasn’t in the lab or the battlefield, she was to be found at the foot of Kara’s bed, sunglasses on to protect her eyes against the sun lamps. She might be curled up asleep like a cat at Kara’s feet, or reading papers on anti-matter and quantum theories, or helping Alex assess her medical state.

‘She should be awake,’ she said tiredly on the ninth morning, eyes half-closed as she sat slumped on a chair next to Kara’s bed.

‘I know,’ Alex sighed, walking over to her with a box of donuts. She shoved it into Lena’s hands. ‘Eat.’

Lena stared blearily at her. ‘Why are you being so nice to me? I told you. I told you that I’ve learnt my lesson and that you’ll never again have my friendship or my trust. Or have you forgotten that already?’

Alex took the other seat next to her. ‘You’re still _my_ friend, Lena. I’m- I’m sorry. About everything.’ She loosed another sigh, running a hand through short red hair. ‘When Kara got here, we drilled it into her that she shouldn’t ever tell anyone her true identity, that it would put herself and her loved ones in danger, as well as endanger the person she tells. We didn’t consider the impact that could have on her relationships, especially on someone like you who has so many trust issues already. I know you don’t want it, but I guess this is my apology for my part in Kara not telling you her secret. It wasn’t anyone’s intention to make you feel betrayed or excluded.’

Everything went quiet. Something in Lena deflated. She was just too tired to fight anymore. ‘Thank you, Alex. It was about time you apologised.’

Alex hung her head. ‘Seeing how much you mean to Kara… she’s been so distressed, Lena, and I’ve rarely seen her like this. She’s a mess. She doesn’t shut up about you, honestly.’

The gentle hum of the sun lamps and the general bustle of the DEO filled the ensuing silence. When Lena finally broke it, her voice had gone a little croaky. ‘If she cares about so much, why did she take so long to come clean? All that time deceiving me, all that time letting me protect her when she didn’t need it… why? If she truly trusted me, she would have told me. She told all her other friends, after all.’ She shook her head, an old feeling of self-disgust bubbling up. ‘I suppose nobody trusts a Luthor, especially not a Kryptonian. I should never have expected anything else.’ Her gaze fell upon Kara’s still face, her blonde hair pooling on the pillow. It was ridiculous how reassuring the sound of her breathing was.

Alex took a long drink of her coffee before speaking again. ‘She told Winn when she became Supergirl because I wasn’t supportive of her at the time, and she needed someone to help her navigate that new aspect of her life. They’d been friends for a long time before she revealed that she was an alien. She never told James; it was Superman who told him about her true identity, without Kara’s consent. She told Nia because she sees herself in Nia, because Nia is an alien with powers who can take of herself, and she desperately needed Kara’s support at the time. I always knew, of course. Most other people who discovered her identity found out by accident, or are on other earths where it doesn’t matter.’ She took another swig of her coffee. ‘Kara also needs someone who doesn’t need her as Supergirl, a best friend who just sees her as Kara, a normal person. People often forget that she didn’t grow up with these powers, she never asked for them, and sometimes she just needs to _be._ I think you helped a lot with that. I’m not saying it was right of me to discourage her from telling you her secret when she started feeling ready to tell you, but… my point is, she really does love you, and you mean the world to her. Please don’t forget that.’

They fell into silence for a while as they ate their breakfast. Despite herself, Alex’s words stayed in her head even as she put on the Lex-suit and went back out into battle.

_Alex… Alura… Kal-El… Lena… Lena, Lena, where are you? Rao, I’m so sorry, so sorry, I need you to be okay, I can’t stand losing you, and I know I’ve been bad and made a huge mistake but please just be okay-_

Her nightmare was the standard-issue one she’d been having since she was thirteen years old: the vicious reds and blacks of her home falling into a planetary explosion, taking everything and everyone she knew and loved with it. From the moment she left Krypton’s rapidly disintegrating atmosphere, she’d had one mission: protect the baby cousin who’d been sent in a pod just before her.

The prospect of that mission, the knowledge that a helpless baby needed her, kept her going through the two decades she spent trapped in the Phantom Zone.

And then suddenly she was waking up to bright yellow sunlight, a strange feeling of unnatural strength growing within her as the light touched her skin, and she remembered looking up to see a great figure standing before her, chest emblazoned with the crest of El.

It was then that Kara knew she’d failed. Her baby cousin, her last living relative, was a full grown adult and she’d failed to raise him with the knowledge of Krypton she was supposed to teach him. She’d started talking for the first time in years, her throat croaky and tender from lack of use, and cried at Kal-El’s halting, uncertain responses in butchered Kryptonian. She was supposed to teach him his own language, to make sure that he grew up knowing everything Kara could teach him about their culture even when surrounded by aliens, but she’d failed in her one simple mission.

And Kal-El didn’t know what to do about her, either. He’d sent her off to the Danvers, unable and unwilling to deal with a severely traumatised teenager who was supposed to be thirteen years older than him. She was an alien to him, an uncomfortable reminder of a world he’d never gotten to know, and Kara was drowning in guilt and discomfort at finding her baby cousin as a full-grown adult who’d been raised entirely by humans. And now Kal-El’s son, Jonathon, had been sent away in a pod just Kara had been all those sad, sorry years ago. Kara vowed that Kal-El would find him and bring him back home again, to break this pattern of their family’s children being sent away for their parents to never find them again.

And then there was her adopted sister. They’d had a rocky start, as most only-child teenagers take time to accept a foster sibling and Alex had certainly been used to being an only child, but they grew to become the tightest-knit of siblings, and Alex was as much of her family as anyone on Krypton had been. Kara didn’t know what she’d do if Alex was gone, was quietly relieved that Alex’s desire to be a mother had led her to accept the slightly safer role of DEO director as opposed to being constantly on the front lines as a field agent. Kara prayed to Rao that Alex would find solace in a gentler life with Kelly and as many children as they wanted.

There was Alura, her birth mother and matriarch of the El family. Kara had developed a complicated relationship with her. She’d sent Kara off in the pod, and Kara assumed she’d perished in the remnants of Krypton’s explosion. When Kara entered her era as Supergirl, she came back to haunt her in the form of Astra, her twin sister and Kara’s aunt. That had led to a whole lot of ugliness that ended with Alex killing Astra and Kara yelling at the hologram of her mother, finally venting the tiniest bit of her frustration with the whole situation. And then, she found out that Argo had survived, and with it her mother, whose role in Krypton had led to a whole prison full of powerful enemies who wanted to kill Kara as revenge for Alura’s actions, her mother who had used her to imprison Astra for wanting to prevent Krypton’s impending doom.

Kara still had nightmares about it.

And then there was Lena. From the moment they’d met, Kara had felt this inexorable kinship with the woman, a deep pull that kept them gravitating around each other until interviews became lunches in cafes, and lunches in cafes became intimate meals at Kara’s apartment, and Kara woke up one morning knowing that Lena Luthor had become her best friend and that she’d defend her at every cost and every corner, no matter how many people seemed determined to just see Lena as another evil Luthor. At first, Kara had thought that this was what it meant to have a best friend, to have someone who understood her on a level few others could. Of course you’re going to love and protect them at every turn, of course you’re going to be devastated and feel as if your very heart had been torn out when you make a huge mistake and break their trust. For weeks, Kara had been anguishing over how she could earn Lena’s trust back, even while knowing that Lena had a right to decide to cut her out completely. She couldn’t blame Lena for her recent actions, not when she was the one who brought her snapping point in the first place, but Kara felt hollow and dead inside at the thought of losing her entirely.

It was just before the Crisis events unfolded that Kara finally understood why Kal-El would choose to save Lois over the world, that she understood why she could let Mon-El go but could never bring herself to let go of Lena.

She could no longer deny the part of her that had been screaming the whole time, the part of her that she’d pushed away under the assumption that this was simply how you’re meant to feel about your best friend, the part of her that screamed _I’m in love with Lena Luthor._

And then she woke up.

Her rise to consciousness was slow but steady. She felt the beat of her heart thudding away in her chest, and felt the familiar warmth of the sun lamps and the DEO-issue mattress. She knew she was in the med bay yet again, and groaned internally. It was then that she realised her cheeks were wet and that tears were streaming down her face and onto the pillow. She cracked open her eyes, squinting from the brightness of the sun lamps, and her breath caught.

She was in the presence of an angel. Crystal green eyes, sharp jawline, soft expression marred by eyebrows knitted in concern, gentle waves of dark hair.

‘Lena,’ Kara breathed, instinctively reaching up to cradle Lena’s face. She had to know that she was real, that she was okay, and studied the little cuts and bruises that were evidence of her recent battles. ‘Lena, Lena, Lena…’

Lena’s hand covered the one Kara had over her cheek, and the smallest, wateriest smile spread over her face. ‘Kara,’ she sighed, leaning into her touch. ‘We were wondering when you’d wake up.’

_‘Lena,’_ Kara said, because apparently that was all she could say right now. She struggled to sit up, needing to be closer to Lena, but Lena put a hand on her chest and urged her back down again.

‘Lie down, Kara, you’re still hurt,’ she said firmly.

So Kara reached out her arms in a silent display of her desire to be hugged. Lena’s gaze softened, and she relented and leaned down to embrace her. Kara immediately wrapped her arms around her, closing her eyes as she felt Lena carefully straddle her for a proper hug. Her scent- a familiar mix of old lab chemicals and vanilla, now with a hint of metal from the Lex-suit- washed over Kara, and she gave in to the urge to hide her face in the crook of Lena’s neck, her curtain of dark hair creating a sort of intimate screen from the world.

‘You’re okay,’ Kara whispered against her neck, clinging as tightly as she dared whilst making sure not to accidentally break Lena’s ribs like she’d done the first time she’d hugged Alex.

A weak chuckle came from Lena’s throat. ‘Can’t say the same for you, darling. You got quite knocked around.’

Kara stifled a groan. ‘How long have I been out? I feel like I got hit by a kryptonite meteor.’

A pause. ‘Eight days.’

Kara swore under her breath. ‘Oh, Rao- is everyone okay? Is Alex okay? Is the fight still going?’

‘We’ve suffered many losses,’ Lena said quietly, ‘but yes, Alex is okay. So are J’onn and Brainy and Nia; we’ve recovered many of those lost in the anti-matter wave. But you hit the Anti-Monitor hard enough that it gave us a reprieve and allowed us to gather back enough strength and numbers to defeat him and his villains. I fear we’d all be dead without you.’

Kara released a small whimper, tears running down her face again. It was all too much, and she just needed to be held. ‘Please don’t leave me,’ she whispered, screwing her eyes shut again and trying to hold back a sob.

She felt Lena run her hands down her back in a comforting gesture; Kara leaned into it, suddenly desperate for physical contact, and her heart rate began to slow at Lena’s soothing motions. 

‘I’m sorry,’ Kara said, voice barely there. ‘For everything. I was trying to protect you at first, and then- I was selfish. It felt so good, to have a best friend who treated me like a normal person, who loved me as Kara Danvers more than Supergirl, and you deserved better than my deceit. I should have told you truth. I’m not expecting you to forgive me, or to be my friend again. But if there’s any chance at all… losing you is too painful. If you’ll let me, I’ll do everything in my power to earn your trust and friendship again.’

Lena started stroking her hair and pulling her closer. ‘I thought I could keep hating you, Kara. You hurt me in the exact worst way you could, and I didn’t know how to deal with that.’ Kara felt her swallow and take a deep breath. ‘And then Earth-38 was swallowed by the anti-matter cloud. Alex and Kelly were clinging to each other, spending their last moments in the tightest hug and looking as if they’d never let go. Nia and Brainy shared a last kiss and held each other’s hands as they watched the world burn down. And I was alone, apart from everyone, and all I wanted was for _someone,_ for _you,_ to be there with me as the world ended.’ Her sentence ended with a high quaver in her voice that shattered Kara’s heart into a million pieces.

Now it was Kara holding Lena tight as she sobbed into her neck. ‘I’m so sorry, Lena. I know exactly how that feels, being totally alone as you watch your world crumble. I always prayed nobody would have to experience what I did.’

She could hear Lena holding back tears. ‘I can’t ignore what you did. But it was my mistake to think that I could make everyone good, and it was a mistake to think that people must be perfect. I should never have put you on a pedestal like that. It was unfair to both of us. God knows why I thought I could use Myriad to make everyone perfect.’ She nuzzled the top of Kara’s head. ‘I’m still amazed at how much you survived, now that I’ve experienced some of it myself. No wonder they call the Paragon of Hope.’ Lena sighed. ‘Again, I can’t ignore what you did. But I reacted badly, too. I did some horrible things, Luthor-worthy things, that I never should have done, and I apologise for that.’

‘I guess your family never really taught you healthy coping mechanisms?’ Kara said weakly, offering a miserable, watery chuckle. ‘That’s not your fault. It was your family’s fault for not being there for you properly.’

Lena sighed. ‘I know. But still, I said and did things I regret hugely now, and I can’t keep isolating myself from everyone if I expect to have someone to hold me at the end of the world. I suppose we’re even.’

‘We all make mistakes, Lena, and some mistakes are bigger than others. That’s just a part of being human. It’s how we learn from those mistakes and choose to do better in the future that truly makes us good. And you’ve always been good at choosing to do better; I’ve always admired that about you.’

Kara raised her head until they were gazing into each other’s eyes for a few moments. She leaned forward, their foreheads resting against each other, breathing in synchrony. They were still clinging like marmosets, neither willing to let go of the other, Kara drinking in Lena’s scent like she would be the last thing she ever smelt.

She was so absorbed in the fragility of the moment that even she didn’t hear Alex come into the med bay.

‘Kara! You’re awake!’ she said, promptly racing over to check Kara’s vitals again. Seemingly satisfied, she switched off the sunlamps as Lena and Kara separated, neither able to quite look the other in the eye, both teary. Alex wrapped Kara in a solid hug, sagging with relief, and Kara returned it earnestly. It felt amazing to see her sister again, a little scratched and bruised but very much alive.

‘Hey, you can let go now,’ Alex said, gently prising herself from the hug after two full minutes. ‘I still need to make sure you’re clear to leave the bay.’

Kara was cleared after Alex fastidiously checked everything over for fifteen minutes, and Lena led her out of the bay; Alex didn’t miss the way she reached for Kara’s hand.

Three months later.

At everyone’s behest, Lena had finally given in and started seeing a therapist alongside Kara, who needed it just as badly (or so Alex insisted).

Sometimes it would be individual sessions, where they’d see their own therapists alone; sometimes they’d go in together. Lena, to her surprise, found both methods highly enlightening. She’d decided on seeing Kelly as her private therapist, since she was more comfortable talking with somebody she already knew, and Kelly proved invaluable in helping her dissect the many issues stemming from her childhood, and working on ways to build healthier coping mechanisms and a stronger self-esteem. It also helped that Kelly was James’s sister, and Lena was already familiar with James, so having another Olsen sibling to talk with felt enormously comforting; when they discussed Lena’s previous relationship with James, Kelly understood perfectly why James acted as he did, since she was his sister, and assured Lena that her ways of expressing love, while occasionally misguided, were just fine after all.

The joint sessions with Kara proved even more revealing. Here, Kara would talk about her own fears and experiences, the sheer horror of what she’d been forced to endure and the anger and resentment that had built up inside of her. In turn, Lena would slowly open up and speak about all the little abuses and restrictions in the Luthor household that had collated into one massive trauma debt, about how she still ached to know her birth mother and had nightmares about Lex- many of these things that Kara already knew, but were now being brought under the light of a specialist. And Lena began to see what Kara saw in her: a kindred spirit who had also suffered too much trauma yet somehow survived with a near-ridiculous determination to do good despite it all. It transpired that the other trait they shared was a massive amount of abandonment issues, especially on Kara’s side; and now that she felt she was getting to know Kara more fully, Lena came to a solid conclusion. She would take a chance and let Kara help them heal, which meant she had to do her part and keep going to these sessions.

After a few weeks of this, their therapist- Steve- finally started getting them to actively work on rebuilding their friendship.

‘You clearly have a strong friendship that’s been through some recent tribulations,’ he told them, twitching his moustache. ‘However, since you’re both here, it’s obvious that you both want to work on rebuilding your bond. Let’s start that by discussing what put tensions on your relationship in the first place.’

So Kara described her part of the story, about how she’d made what she called _“The biggest mistake of my life”_ (Lena had to bite back a sob at that), about how she was determined to put things right again and that she couldn’t lose any more of her family (Lena figured she must be dealing with some of those issues with her private therapist). She remained silent as Lena told her side of the story, of how betrayed and sick she felt, and the remorse at her own reactions to the betrayal, and her realisation that she needed to stop putting her loved ones on unattainable pedestals if she wanted to maintain healthy relationships. Steve had nodded sagely at that, and Lena felt some relief at finally getting something right about this mess.

‘It’s definitely unfair to hold your friends to such high standards,’ he agreed, ‘since we all make mistakes and we need room to learn from them. Of course, you do have the choice to remove yourself from the person who wronged you, but it’s clear that you’re choosing to try and fix your relationship instead. Since we’re doing that, let’s go on to some trust exercises.’

Two weeks later, they started slowly re-establishing their old lunches and game nights routines. Kara had no more Supergirl-level secrets to reveal, and Lena marvelled at how _free_ they were. Conversations became deeper, they began understanding each other properly now on a level they hadn’t quite reached before, and Kara seemed so much more relaxed. She’d rush off for Supergirl duty freely and return up to twenty or thirty minutes later smelling of soot and ash to eat the rest of her brunch. It made Lena more relaxed, too, knowing that Kara was no longer hiding behind half-hearted lies and excuses ( _I flew here on a bus,_ honestly), and Lena began to believe that her newly re-appointed best friend truly did trust her. The trust exercises played their part too, of course, and Lena began to employ them with the rest of the group, starting with Alex.

Unfortunately, Alex’s version of a trust exercise was to put on DEO tracksuits and spar relentlessly in the training room.

‘Keep moving your feet, Luthor,’ Alex barked, rushing at her again. ‘Remember what I said about footwork! Fancy, light, you’re walking on air!’

As frustrating as it was, Lena was beginning to realise the wisdom in Alex’s techniques. An hour ago she’d been standing like a bullock, unmoving and tense; now, under Alex’s guidance, she was starting to recall her early childhood ballet lessons and the way her feet would glide across the ground. She was somewhat bigger and heavier than she’d been as a ten-year-old, but the muscle-memory was miraculously coming back. It allowed her to dodge Alex’s blows more easily, gave her more time to prepare her own blows and ease into the moves, and Lena was just starting to really get into it when Alex tapped out, panting hard.

‘Alright, Danvers?’ Lena teased, taking the moment to tie her hair back again.

‘So sue me, I’m getting old,’ Alex grumbled.

‘You’re not that old,’ Lena said, rolling her eyes. ‘Come on, let’s get back to it.’

Alex shook out her hair, took a swig from her water bottle, and beckoned her forward in a challenge. They eased back in, trading almost leisurely blows so Lena could focus on picking up the techniques and moves.

‘We need to talk,’ Alex said eventually, blocking another punch from Lena.

Nerves twisted in Lena’s gut. ‘Oh, that’s never good.’

‘Easy, Lena. I just need to air some things out, okay?’

Lena swallowed nervously and nodded, heart pounding with more than just physical exertion as she continued blocking and sending punches.

‘You and Kara.’ It was stated bluntly, simply, with no room for question. ‘What exactly is going on there?’

‘We’ve been taking therapy sessions,’ Lena responded. ‘I thought you knew that?’

‘Of course. Kara tells me that she’s been attending them, thank god, and I know Kelly’s been seeing you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad you’re both getting therapy. It’s about time. I’ve been telling Kara to see a psychiatrist for years now, but anyway, that’s not my point here. My point is that every time I ask Kara where she is, or talk to her on the phone, whatever, you’re almost always nearby.’

‘And?’ Lena said, trepidation trickling down her spine. Some deep instinct was warning her to back out of this strange conversation, but she soldiered on and kept punching.

‘I’m just… a little curious, that’s all. I’ve spent years avoiding intense friendships with women because some deep part of me knew I’d get too attached to them, that I could end up liking them in a way they didn’t want. It wasn’t until I finally let myself attach to Maggie that I realised why I was avoiding such friendships.’

‘What are you implying, Danvers?’

‘You know exactly what I’m implying. Correct me if I’m wrong, but to me, it looks like you and Kara have some… _unacknowledged feelings_ to discuss.’

‘We’ve been acknowledging plenty of feelings, thanks.’ Lena avoided Alex’s intense stare, unwilling to back down. She felt tense all over again, reluctant to face the truth in Alex’s words. But there was no way she could get past the knowing gaze of a seasoned lesbian, and it was inevitable that this conversation happened.

‘I know. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of it. Kara doesn’t shut up about you, and it hit me the other day that she’s behaving much like I did around Maggie, and she has been for a long time. You should have seen how stressed out she was when she was meeting you for lunch the first time after she told you her secret! She was a mess, she flew off the goddamn continent to get you food from Europe! Who even does that?’

‘Someone with super-speed and flying powers?’ Lena edged, really wishing this conversation was over. But like the self-sabotaging machine it was, her mind clung to Alex’s words, Alex’s words that implied that Kara might have deeper feelings for her than she’d realised. Her heart thudded harder again.

‘She barely even does that for me, Lena. You’re special to her, and I know she’s special to you.’ She tapped out again, too focused on the conversation to continue properly. ‘I know we haven’t always been on the best of terms, Lena, but if there’s something you want to talk about… you can tell me. Or at least tell Kelly next time you’re in session.’

Lena sagged against the wall, trying to stop her lip from trembling.

_Take a leap of faith,_ Kelly had told her. _If you need to talk to someone about something and they’re directly offering a listening ear, then take the leap of faith and get talking. It’s better than bottling everything up._

Lena _had_ been intending to talk with Kelly about this at some point, knowing that her oath to confidentiality would ensure her privacy. But, she reasoned, Alex was in fact the perfect person to talk with right now. Lena let herself slide down the wall until she was slumped in a sitting position, and collected her strength.

‘I need you to promise me you won’t breathe a word of this conversation, okay? Except to Kelly, because I want to talk with her about it anyway.’

Alex nodded, settling into a crouch before her. ‘You have my word.’

‘For years, I’ve been having these… _feelings,_ that I wasn’t exactly supposed to have. I ignored it, thought I could drown it with studies and bad relationships and taking over L-Corp. When Kara came into my life, I wondered how on earth someone like her could ever want to befriend someone like me. I didn’t question it. Like the idiot I am, I let Kara sweep me off my feet and worm her way into my heart, and…’ Lena sighed. She looked up at Alex, heedless of how pleading her eyes must look. ‘You understand, right? Please tell me you understand, Alex’-

‘I understand completely, Lena,’ Alex said, gripping her shoulders. ‘Please, keep going.’

Lena swallowed. ‘I thought that maybe this was just what it’s like to have a best friend, to have all these close feelings and the need to be near her. When I started dating James, I thought- well, he’s close to Kara. Surely he and I can do well as a couple. But it didn’t work out, it could never have worked out, he just- we need different people. James doesn’t understand me the way Kara always had, I don’t understand James in the way he needs. It was never going to last, but I clung to it until we finally broke up.’ Alex started rubbing her shoulders soothingly, and Lena took another deep, shuddering breath. ‘What am I supposed to do, Alex? I always come back to Kara, but I’m terrified of- of everything! Especially these feelings!’ She shook her head, tears squeezing from her eyes even as she tried to hold them in. ‘Alex, I think I’m gay.’

Alex dipped her head, looking like she was gathering herself, and looked up again. ‘Hey. Listen to me. I’ve been where you are, I know exactly how scary these feelings can be. I was terrified when I took the plunge and told Kara about my feelings for Maggie! I was even more terrified when I kissed Maggie for the first time, only to get rejected- just as I’d feared!’

Lena blinked in confusion. ‘She rejected you?’

‘At first, yes. She was hesitant to get with someone who’d only just realised she was gay.’ Alex smiled wanly. ‘That was quite understandable. I managed to sway her, though. It didn’t last as long as I’d hoped, but we both learnt a lot from that relationship, and I don’t regret a single second; after all, it led me here to Kelly. Anyway. You won’t get anywhere by ignoring your instincts and feelings, okay? I learned that the hard way, I was in my late twenties before I found out a critical aspect of my sexuality, and I wouldn’t want you to wait so long.’

‘You’re saying I should tell Kara?’ Lena breathed, feeling almost nauseous at the prospect.

‘If you want, I can have this conversation with Kara and see if she feels the same. Then I can let you know if it’s safe to confess your feelings or not. At the very least, you can tell Kara you’ve realised that you’re gay; she’ll be entirely supportive of that.’

‘I know,’ Lena sighed. ‘Fine. I’ll tell her I’m gay, and you ask if she has any feelings for me. If she doesn’t, then- well, I suppose I’ll live. I can at least be thankful for her friendship.’

Alex nodded. ‘And if she does, I’ll let you know you can make a move,’ she promised. She patted Lena’s shoulder. ‘Alright. Good talk, but you’re not getting out of training that easy. Up you get!’

Lena groaned and got back onto her feet.


	2. Close like the burning sun

Lena was back at L-Corp. The building had sustained major damage during the Crisis, but now everything was back up and running and Lena felt comforted by the normalcy of coming back to her role as CEO. As frustrating as her work could get, she’d accepted the position for a reason- to turn this company into a force for good. Now that she was back on business, she could get to work on her latest project: a perfectly ordinary watch (marketed in different designs to help with discretion) that had a hidden button one could use to discreetly alert authorities should they be in danger from an abuser. It was inspired by her own Supergirl watch, and from her own experiences in the Luthor household, and from the appalling statistics of domestic abuse against women. Of course, literally anyone who needed it could use it; she had a sad suspicion that many aliens would be wanting this watch. But as sobering as the statistics were, Lena figured that she was in a perfect position to green-light such a project, and thus she would do just that. Thankfully, her R&D team managed to get the prototype ready within two weeks since it was a relatively simple idea, and now Lena was working late at night reading over the reports.

Her office had taken on a new sense of comfort and stability since the Crisis, and Lena found herself thankful to be there. Watching that anti-matter wave roll over the earth, literally _dying_ for a few days until the wrong was righted, had made her fervently appreciative of the mundane business of going to work.

She was also starkly reminded of how lonely her office could get, particularly at night. Normally she was fine with this, since she leaned toward introversion by nature, but recent events had made her unusually clingy and anxious, and the silence of the office was getting on her nerves.

She lifted her head from where she was poring over the papers, and groaned from the tension headache building at her temples. She glanced over at the clock; it was ten at night. She’d been here at later hours, but her brain had been working on this project since nine this morning and was screaming for a break.

 _You need to set boundaries for yourself when it comes to your workload,_ Kelly had advised her. _As important as your job is, you cannot let it get in the way of looking after yourself; nor is it a good idea to let it become an escape from other aspects of your life you don’t want to deal with._

As usual, Kelly was right. Lena did tend to use her work to avoid things in her life that were stressing her out, and she needed a breather.

Thankfully, a distraction came in the shape of Supergirl drifting gently onto the balcony, waving hello to catch Lena’s attention. Lena nodded to indicate that Kara could walk right in, and she did just that. Kara still walked more carefully around Lena than she used to, explicitly giving Lena extra space in the light of their delicately rebuilding friendship, but Lena wasn’t in the mood for space right now. She watched Kara gnaw at her lip, still looking a little uncertain about her permission to be here, and Lena softened. The rims of her eyes were red, and it was clear she’d been crying.

‘C’mere,’ she said, reaching out her arms.

Kara fell into them almost immediately, wrapping Lena up a bear hug they both easily melted into. They stayed in each other’s arms for far longer than necessary, and Lena couldn’t help but sigh at the comfort of it all and rest her head on Kara’s shoulder. But they did have to part before it got too awkward, Kara sliding a hand down Lena’s arm as they stepped apart with some reluctance.

Kara shifted on her feet, not quite meeting Lena’s gaze. ‘Uhm, do you mind if I stay with you awhile? I’m feeling pretty off.’

‘Of course,’ Lena said, gesturing toward her couch as she glided over to the bar, high heels clacking against the shiny floor. ‘I’ll grab us some drinks.’

It was a mark of how far they’d come in the past three months that Lena felt honoured, not suspicious, at Kara’s show of vulnerability in her presence. She decanted some of her best wine into two glasses and joined Kara on the couch, allowing herself to sit closer to Kara than she had for months- thigh-to-thigh, Kara’s pants pressed against the skin exposed from Lena’s dress. They sat in silence for a good while, taking the occasional sip from their wine, Lena waiting patiently for Kara to broach the silence. After a solid five minutes went by, Lena decided to make a move and hesitantly touched her hand to Kara’s; their fingers curled into each other, and they sat holding hands for another five minutes before Kara finally spoke.

‘I’m so tired, Lena,’ she said, and she looked it. Lena had rarely seen Supergirl look so exhausted, like she’d been suffering nightmares only to live them again while awake.

‘You can stay the night with me,’ Lena offered quietly, running her thumb down Kara’s palm. ‘Maybe I can help you sleep.’

‘Not that sort of tired. I mean, yes, but’- Kara waved her free hand around in a frustrated motion. ‘Never mind,’ she finally huffed, head hanging low.

Lena used her own free hand to reach over and cup Kara’s jaw. ‘Darling, speak to me. I know you’ve been through too much, and I think I know the kind of _tired_ you’re feeling.’

‘I really hope you don’t,’ Kara said sincerely.

Lena squeezed her hand. ‘Whatever you’re feeling, there’s no shame in it. I was there when you were hospitalised for the Kryptonite bullets two weeks ago, I can guess what you’re going through.’

Kara’s breath became shaky. ‘It’s too much. Ever since I was thirteen, I’ve been expected to survive all sorts of things- the end of my world, two decades stuck in the Phantom Zone, raising Kal-El, adjusting to life on earth. I’ve failed at some things and succeeded at others, but it just doesn’t ever end. First it was my mother’s prisoners constantly attacking me for the things she’d done; then I found aunt Astra again, only to have her taken from me, and I don’t blame Alex for that- I know she was just protecting J’onn, I wouldn’t have expected anything else from her- but I was _so close_ to getting Astra on my side and convincing her that there was a better way than Myriad, and’- Kara’s voice choked up, and she took a long breath. ‘You know how the story goes by now. Everyone keeps telling me I’m their symbol of hope, and I strive to be that, but- it’s hard to keep hoping when everything keeps falling apart.’

Tears were falling down her face in earnest now, and Lena adjusted her position so she could pull her into another hug. She desperately wanted to kiss away the tears, her heart breaking at the way Kara clung to her, but she settled for the hug instead.

‘Do you want me to come home with you?’ Lena murmured, rubbing her back.

She felt Kara nod against her shoulder. ‘Please? I really don’t want to be alone tonight. I don’t think I _should_ be alone tonight.’ Her arms trembled. ‘I’m afraid of what I’ll do to myself.’

Lena had been expecting such a comment, but it sent warning bells going off in her head nonetheless. ‘Okay. I’ll pack up here, and we can- do you want to go to your apartment or mine?’

‘Yours?’ Kara said tentatively. ‘My therapist said it would be a good idea to switch between comfortable environments sometimes.’

Lena nodded, her heart clenching at the idea that Kara saw her over-clean and sterile apartment as someplace comforting. ‘Shall I call my driver, or are you okay to fly us there?’

‘I- I can fly us there. I don’t feel like being cooped up in a car right now, if that’s okay. But you can say no, I know you don’t like flying.’

Lena stood up and stubbornly put her arms out in an offer. ‘Doesn’t matter. Let’s fly.’

Half an hour later, they were landing on Lena’s apartment balcony. Lena rarely felt more safe than when she was in Kara’s strong arms, especially now knowing that she and Supergirl were one and the same.

It certainly explained the gentle care and strength with which Kara had always touched her, like she was afraid of breaking her but couldn’t quite resist physical contact, either. Lena hadn’t really had such a tactile friend before; even Sam and Jack (god, how she missed them) had been more reserved with her in the face of her aloofness, but Kara saw right through her and found her hidden desire for human- or alien- touch. And Lena couldn’t help but lean into every touch, and she’d missed this casual contact, she’d missed the feel of Kara’s fingers drifting over her skin and the strength of her embrace. They stood on the balcony, Lena not letting go and Kara taking the hint by keeping her arms around her.

‘You know,’ Lena began, ‘I think you’re quite right about not wanting to be alone tonight. It was a good thing you came to my office.’

She felt Kara stifle a yawn. ‘Mmmm,’ she said, nuzzling the top of Lena’s head.

‘Bed time,’ Lena said, coaxing her from the balcony straight into her bedroom.

Lena silently passed her a pair of pyjamas Kara had left behind some months ago, feeling strangely soothed by the simple fact that Kara was here again, getting ready for a sleepover. Honestly, Lena hadn’t been sure they’d get this far again, and she was suddenly very glad that Kara was in her room, biting her lip nervously as she collected her old pyjamas and said she’d duck into the bathroom to change. Lena nodded her acquiescence, eyes lingering on Kara’s back as she retreated into the ensuite. She quickly undressed and got into her own pyjamas- a silk shirt and shorts set, all in dark blue- and dithered, casting her gaze into the lounge-room and wondering where Kara might want to sleep. The last time they’d had a sleepover, they’d brought air mattresses out into the lounge- room (Kara’s idea for a more genuine sleepover experience, since neither of them had really experienced many sleepovers in childhood). Should Lena offer to take the couch and let Kara take her bed? She knew immediately that Kara would refuse and take the couch instead, but that didn’t rest well with Lena, not when she knew Kara was struggling and needed a solid sleep.

Lena eyed her bed. It was king-size, it could fit them both no problem with plenty of room left over, perhaps it wouldn’t be the worst idea to share it. The thought left an odd tingling in her belly, one that she’d been refusing to acknowledge for a very long time whenever Kara touched her in a way that was a little too intimate, but it wasn’t like she had a spare bedroom, and Kara had told her she didn’t want to be alone.

She was brought out of her musing by a tentative knock from the ensuite. ‘You decent?’ came Kara’s muffled voice.

‘Yes,’ Lena said, though she wished she wasn’t.

Kara strode out, looking entirely too adorable in her flannel pyjamas as she tugged at a sleeve uncertainly. ‘So do you want me on the couch, or…?’

‘I’m not making you sleep on the couch,’ Lena chastised. ‘My bed is… quite large enough. For us both. If you’re okay with that.’

Kara blinked at her unusual halting sentences, cheeks flushing slightly pink. ‘Okay,’ she said, climbing into the bed and slipping beneath the covers. Lena joined her, sinking gratefully into her soft mattress and automatically gravitating toward Kara’s warmth. She hadn’t had anyone in her bed since James, and it felt far too nice not to sleep alone again.

‘Can we cuddle?’ Kara said, biting her lip.

Lena stretched out her arms in response, letting Kara pull herself closer until they tentatively started to cuddle; after a few moments of adjusting themselves, they began to cuddle in earnest and Lena was dying a bit inside and she was sure Kara could hear her heart racing, but she couldn’t help but wriggle deeper into her bed-mate’s embrace. Kara made a contented hum, almost a purr, and tugged Lena even closer.

 _This is how I die a second time,_ Lena thought, every part of her body lit up from Kara’s warmth. She stifled a hitched breath as Kara’s arms drifted lower down her belly, wrapping her tight. _This is also how I will never be able to sleep without her again._

She felt her eyes droop closed, felt Kara nuzzle the back of her head, and fell into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

It quickly became a thing.

Upon waking up feeling stupidly refreshed after that first night, Lena tentatively offered to share her bed again the following night, and before they knew it, they were spending at least two or three nights a week cuddling in either of their apartments. Lena knew she was touch-starved, but hadn’t quite realised the extent of her deprivation until Kara started with her casual touches again; and now with the extensive cuddling, Lena had to resist the urge to cry every time Kara pulled her in for a hug.

They both needed it. The Crisis felt like it had happened mere days ago and years ago at once, in that strange sense of time such emergencies engendered. Lena found herself becoming a little softer, a little kinder to those she met, a little more patient; at the same time, she stood her ground more than ever against the old white men in her board meetings who more often than not still tried to keep talking over her and dismissing her plans and generally being misogynist douches, and she was more ready to defend herself against the people who still fought her for the crime of her last name.

She found that many of the people around her seemed to be similarly affected. Political divides seemed to have lessened, people seemed more ready to help each other, and Lena was finding it easier to donate to public charities since her role saving lives in the Crisis had helped redeem her somewhat from her family’s legacy. Her employees, emboldened by their second chance at life after many of them perished and then came back again after the Crisis, were more ready to speak directly with Lena about their projects and showed less fear when working with her. One employee, a young intern who’d previously been terrified at the thought of working with Lena, even criticised one of her ideas for a microchip they working on. Lena had raised an eyebrow at him, but though she could still see a little trepidation in his eyes after he realised what he’d said, he still determinedly held her gaze. Lena had just smiled slyly and acknowledged the criticism, silently pleased that he now felt comfortable and bold enough to challenge her. It was surprisingly refreshing, knowing that she could trust even her youngest employees to hold their ground and present their own ideas instead of just rolling with whatever Lena came up with. That was the whole point of her version of L-Corp, after all: innovation, and working together to make something amazing.

Though her workplace life and regular physical contact with Kara had definitely been an improvement for her, she could tell that Kara herself was struggling. The therapy was dredging up a lot of memories and feelings that she’d buried deep down, and the Crisis had added more to the horrendous pile as well as exacerbating the sort of trauma she’d already been dealing with. Lena didn’t know how to help her, aside from just being there ready to talk or hug or eat meals; when she asked Kelly, Kelly just gave her a sad look and told her that while she could certainly do her best to comfort Kara, it was ultimately on Kara to continue her therapy and tackle her trauma, just as it was Lena’s responsibility to confront her own trauma.

And so, they comforted each other. When Kara was listless and almost unresponsive one weekend, Lena spent the entire two days with her, watching Netflix and sleeping. At one point, Kara confided that Alex had banned her from Supergirl duty on mental health grounds. Lena remembered the footage from several days ago: Kara flying so hard and fast into the atmosphere that she briefly dipped into space, recording equipment capturing her scream for miles. It wasn’t the only instance. She was slacker with her enemies, allowing more punches to land on her whilst landing fewer herself; Lena had thought she was simply off her game after the Crisis- after all, it was a lot to ask of someone to continue superhero duty after an event like that- but there were more concerning signs. The other day, one of Lex’s loyal cronies, hoping to continue the anti-Kryptonian legacy, had somehow secured a few bullets of synthetic Kryptonite and lured Kara into a fight. The footage had been captured live as Kara confronted the man, warning him to back down. The fight began as normal with the villain monologuing ( _how unoriginal_ , Lena had thought as she watched the livestream), and Lena just rolled her eyes as he brandished what looked like a standard gun. Didn’t these idiots ever remember Supergirl’s bulletproof skin? Then she nearly had a heart attack when she saw Kara displaying the tell-tales signs of Kryptonite radiation: green veins, uncoordinated movements, tensed muscles. The commentator taking the video picked up on it as well, his voice rising with concern over Supergirl’s state, and that was when the first shot cracked through the street.

 _‘Kryptonite has officially entered the battle, folks, and our resident Maid of Steel is succumbing to the attack. The FBI’s on the way for backup, but will they arrive in time?’_ the commentator continued as Lena found her eyes glued to the screen in rising horror. The FBI, she knew, was in fact a crew of DEO agents in their usual disguise.

‘Jess, tell the contractors that the meeting’s off. I’ll be absent for this afternoon,’ Lena had told her assistant.

‘Yes, Miss Luthor,’ Jess responded, ducking her head and going outside to make the calls.

She kept watching the livestream as she quickly packed her bags, ready to leave her office even though it was barely midday.

_‘Supergirl is barely putting up a fight now, and she’s clearly suffering. I don’t know if it’s because she’s just disoriented and in pain, but she’s taking every bullet with barely a move to defend herself or escape. I don’t know about you, folks, but it’s deeply concerning in light of her recent self-sabotaging behaviour during fights. She’s been thrown badly off her game, even when in full power, and some people are even wondering if she’s becoming suicidal’-_

Lena shoved her phone in her pocket and bolted out the office at that point, heedless of the startled stares of her employees.

By the time she reached the DEO, Kara was already unconscious and being lowered into a sunbed yet again. Lena remembered stifling a scream, only stopping herself from rushing forward for fear of impeding the medics’ processes. Alex acknowledged her with a curt nod, looking incredibly tired, and Lena swore she spotted tears in her eyes.

‘Bullets, _there are bullets in her,’_ Alex muttered feverishly, lip quivering as she and another medic went to administer pain relief and figure out how best to extract the Kryptonite bullets that had sunk into Kara’s invulnerable skin. Lena felt sick and helpless as she watched her best friend lie seriously injured in the med bay once more, her breathing uneven and her veins streaked a toxic green.

Two weeks after that was when Kara first came to her office and asked to not be alone. Now, three weeks after _that,_ they had settled into a routine of sorts and established a strange kind of domesticity Lena had rarely experienced with a friend. They’d wake up at each other’s apartments and eat breakfast and get ready for work together, they held each other as they cried and suffered nightmares late at night, and once Lena even hosted her first games night in her apartment- a big step forward, according to Kara, who was usually the host.

Lena only acted as host because Kara clearly wasn’t up for it. It took her enough effort just to make it to work, though Lena pleaded with her to use her ample build-up of sick days and finally take a rest.

‘I’m already cut off from Supergirl duty, I can’t risk losing my reporting job too,’ Kara had said, stubborn as usual.

But they came to a silent agreement to check in on each other on a regular basis, making sure they were doing the exercises their respective therapists had taught them and having meals together at least three times a week.

Inevitably, word came out that Supergirl’s disappearance was due to mental health concerns, and that was when the rumours set fire.

Some people feared she was unstable and dangerous, completely misunderstanding that mental illness typically makes you vulnerable to violence, not an instigator of it; in fact, Lena had never known Kara to be so gentle with others, yet so hard on herself. She felt more protective of Kara with each passing week, especially during her bad days, and Kelly had had to remind a number of times to look after herself as well Kara- after all, she can’t help Kara if she’s neglecting the work of dealing with her own trauma and issues. But she was reassured in that everyone else was playing their role in supporting her too. Alex, of course, was the most frequent visitor of Kara’s apartment, often dropping by for coffee, movies, and sparring sessions. Nia and Brainy often distracted them both with their antics during game nights, as well as engaged them in deep, philosophical conversations and questionable scientific experiments. Lena quickly found that she loved having Brainy and Kara in her lab; it wasn’t often that Kara got to reignite the incredible knowledge for science she’d had on Krypton, since she’d had to hide it on earth otherwise it would have aroused suspicion, and Lena was always humbled at the strange, complex things she knew. Her eyes would shine brighter, and Lena loved that this was enough of a distraction to keep her engaged for more than a couple of hours. Brainy fit in with them both perfectly, challenging them at each experiment and double-checking everything and brainstorming new ideas. Nia didn’t join them in the lab, but she often hung out with Kara (Lena didn’t usually know what they got up to- Kara deserved a separate friend to hang out with, after all), and she’d sometimes have lunch with Lena, too. Lena found her incredibly endearing. She’d already had a sense of admiration for her ever since her interview with Kara all those months ago, had nearly cried at her brave honesty in coming out as a transgender superhero, and now found that Nia was a true and loyal friend. It was nice, having someone you could talk with about absolutely nothing and everything at once, and it made missing Sam and Jack a little easier.

(Lena still called and texted Sam on a regular basis, but it just wasn’t the same as seeing her in the flesh. She hoped Sam would visit soon).

And so Lena persisted, applying the skills and determination she’d learnt from managing L-Corp into managing her mess of a life into something easier to handle.

It took nine months for Kara to get back into Supergirl duty. She had started bugging Alex rather enthusiastically about getting back to work, and Alex saw that as a sign that Kara was ready to be eased into duty.

‘Remember: take regular breaks, we’re still training at least twice a week at your apartment with the red sun lamps, and if anything- and I mean _anything-_ seems off or likely to get out of control, you call us in ASAP,’ Alex drilled into her.

‘Okay, _mother,’_ Kara said, exasperated but teasing. A lot of her old energy had built back up over the past few months, and she was itching to resume her non-journalism work.

Alex softened. ‘Just be careful, alright? I love you.’

‘Love you too, Alex.’

Kara would never forget that first day back on the job. It felt exhilarating to be back out in the sky in her suit, her mind and body feeling lighter than it had been in months, if not years.

_I don’t want to die anymore._

The thought hit her like a blast of kryptonite, raw yet freeing. After taking down the usual ruffians in the morning, and tackling a stray alien dragon in the afternoon, word had spread like wildfire that Supergirl was back in the sky.

When she landed in a main street at three in the afternoon, Kara was met by a crowd of press rushing in with cameras and microphones. She briefly baulked, having not been used to such crowds for months, and started to back away before she caught sight of a familiar curtain of silky dark hair and a pretty face.

‘Back off, please, don’t be jerks,’ she snapped at the paparazzi, striding through them as they parted around her like the Red Sea.

‘Lena, thank Rao you’re here,’ Kara said, moving toward Lena with relief.

Lena narrowed her eyes distastefully at the press trying to crowd around them. ‘I know quite well how bad the press can get- no offence to you, of course. You told me you’re back on duty, so I thought I’d help fend them off.’

‘Thanks, but I think I’ll be fine. Just… don’t go too far away?’

Lena nodded. ‘I’ll stay nearby.’

Together they fielded questions and submitted to photographs and even a few autographs (Lena supplied a pen). Eventually they spotted James in the crowd, and Kara relaxed a little further at the sight of her old friend. It all took a solid half-hour, and Kara started moving away for a breather when she was met with a horde of small children running toward her, cheering and wearing Supergirl memorabilia. Kara instinctively crouched down and let them pile onto her, chuckling as she wrapped as many as she could in her cape.

‘Supergirl, you’re back!’

‘Are you feeling better?’

‘Did you get our cards?’

Kara closed her eyes, veins flooding with relief that she hadn’t completely failed her youngest fans. ‘I got them all,’ she said, voice cracking. ‘I keep them all safe in a folder, and I’m feeling a lot better now.’

She was vaguely aware of James edging closer and taking photographs as she sank into the childrens’ hugs, but ignored him for the moment. She just closed her eyes and let the kids swarm her and provide some temporary cover from the paparazzi Lena was still trying to fend off.

It was almost unreal, meeting other local citizens after that. While there were of course those who had never liked her and made sure to tell her about it, there were plenty of people showing up and yelling out their gratitude and relief that she was back. Kara met with as many as she could, signing bits of paper and hats and whatever else they managed to get into her hands, and one child ended up riding on her shoulders almost the whole time before she remembered he was there and returned him to a pair of distressed parents.

Lena and James stayed nearby the whole time, and finally the crowd petered out and Kara slumped against a wall, socially exhausted.

‘Pretty sure that boy wanted you to adopt him,’ Lena remarked lightly, looking amusedly at the parents’ retreating backs.

‘I think his parents would have something to say about that,’ Kara replied, snorting.

James finished looking through his photos and sidled over to them. ‘I’ll send you both some photos tonight. Pick out which ones you want, maybe Andrea will let you write an article.’

‘Thanks, James,’ said Kara. ‘You’re going back to Metropolis tomorrow, aren’t you?’

‘Yes, my plane leaves at noon. I think I’ll be back for Christmas, though.’

They organised plans to eat an early lunch at the airport and see James off, and Kara sagged against the wall again.

‘Dinner tonight?’ Lena asked tentatively, after a few moments of peaceful silence.

‘As long as we’re cooking or ordering in,’ Kara said. ‘I’m not in the mood for going out tonight.’

‘I might try that pasta recipe, then,’ Lena said thoughtfully. She glanced at Kara, face softening at her pensive expression. ‘The city’s glad to have you back, darling. You’ll be front page news tonight, I imagine.’

‘Part of me was wondering if they’d forget me,’ Kara admitted.

‘How could anyone forget you?’

They sank into an overly long hug- they’d been having an awful lot of those lately- and Kara couldn’t think of anywhere she’d rather be right now than in Lena’s arms. She felt Lena tuck her nose into her neck, making Kara blush deeply as her stomach flared in an eruption of butterflies. Kara nuzzled the top of head, a familiar habit prompted by her love of the smell of Lena’s hair.

There had been something changing between them, something in the way they couldn’t seem to resist touching each other, in the way they kept texting each other when they were apart. Their texts were becoming increasingly familiar and intimate, sometimes (often) bordering on what would be inappropriate for friends; their touches were going along a similar line now that they were sharing beds on a regular basis, and Kara remembered vividly the first time she’d accidentally-on-purpose slid a hand rather high up Lena’s upper thigh the other night as they watched Netflix. She’d started stammering out an apology when she realised where her hand was, but stopped short at the strange, almost sly look Lena gave her.

‘It’s alright,’ she’d said soothingly, a smile quirking her lips.

‘It doesn’t have to be,’ Kara had replied, her voice small and her cheeks red. ‘I know what I said about me not having boundaries with a friend like you, but still- you’re allowed to have boundaries. If I make you uncomfortable’-

‘It’s fine, Kara,’ Lena reiterated, eyes dancing with mirth. ‘I’m touch-starved, remember?’

So now Kara let herself relish their moments alone, where they could just be, with no judgement or watching eyes.

Kara stirred out of her musings and realised that she and Lena had been hugging for what must have been a solid ten minutes- long, even for them.

Kara cleared her throat awkwardly and let Lena extract herself from the hug. It was only during the night that they’d cuddle so intensely, and bringing it out into the raw light of day was threatening to blur the lines they were constantly toeing.

‘Shall we, uhm- shall we leave?’ Lena said, eyeing the few people still walking by.

‘Yeah, before somebody gets a photo of us,’ Kara said, meaning it as a joke though her voice betrayed her nerves. She felt oddly protective of their privacy, perhaps as a result of her recent reclusiveness, perhaps because there was a small voice in her head telling her that her and Lena’s behaviour would not quite look like standard friendship to the public eye.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter!  
> Thank you to all who left kind comments and encouragement. I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Kara knew she’d have another confrontation with her sister. She’d been trying to avoid it as much as possible, tried keeping her behaviour with Lena a secret, but Alex simply knew her too well, and there was honestly no way Kara could avoid another one of Alex’s somewhat embarrassing older-sister talks.

‘Kara?’

‘Mmm?’

‘Remember how I asked about you and Lena?’

Kara glanced furtively at her sister, not quite meeting her eye. ‘Yes, vividly.’

‘Right. Uhm. I really do have to ask again, because Lena stayed here _another night_ and honestly, even the bestest of friends do don’t that nearly as much as you two do, but I sure do that with Kelly. Who’s my _girlfriend.’_

Kara didn’t speak for a few moments, still trying to process what to say, and realised she was trembling all over.

‘Hey,’ Alex said, scooting over on the couch and offering a comforting arm. ‘Whatever it is you’re feeling, you can tell me. You know that.’

Kara released a shaky breath. ‘I love her so much, Alex,’ she said, breathlessly, ‘more than I’ve loved James or Mon-El or- anyone who isn’t family, really. It’s just so much and I don’t know how to deal with it.’

‘You love pretty hard when it just comes to your friends. It’s going to be even harder to contain how much you love Lena.’

As usual, Alex was entirely correct. 

Even after her nightmares began to lessen, Kara found herself loathe to sleep without Lena, and Lena seemed to feel the same, going immediately into koala mode whenever they got into bed and shyly asking if she could stay over after every game night. Kara said yes every time (except for that one time when she really needed to be alone and ignore the world), and so far they were managing to keep this a secret from all but Alex, who gave them pointed looks every time they touched or even looked at each other. 

And then there was another assassination attempt.

Everything had been surprisingly quiet on the part of Lena’s usual slew of assassins lately, but that changed one Friday afternoon when she was working in her office. She’d installed sniper-proof windows at Kara’s insistence, but that couldn’t stop a goddamn rocket launcher.

It hit her office at twelve-thirty exactly, half an hour from when she was supposed to be joining Kara and Alex for lunch, and Lena, forever alert to strange sounds, pricked her ears at an odd whistling that was definitely heading to her office. She bolted off her seat and toward the door, but she was no match for the missile they’d sent after her.

She was aware of a sudden bright light, of massive heat billowing at her back, of being knocked to the floor and a searing pain-

_This is it. This is the day I die again, alone and unaccomplished._

And then Supergirl was there, her cape sweeping over her to fend off the worst of the explosion. Lena felt strong arms wrap around her, felt Supergirl crouch down and embrace her in a protective hug. And then it was over as suddenly as it had begun. Kara used her freeze breath to put out the fires in the office before moving on to steady broken supports in the room. Lena rushed around rescuing her papers and documents, heart thudding and skin feeling ice-cold with shock all the while.

‘You okay?’ Kara said, coming toward her and anxiously checking her over. She swore gently when she went behind her. ‘There’s, uhm- there’s a shard of glass in your back. Hang on, I’ll call Alex.’

‘Oh,’ Lena said in a small voice, now becoming aware of the tightness in her back and the sensation of hot blood trickling down her spine. She couldn’t feel much pain right now- her body was probably going into shock- but she kept as still as she could while Kara called for Alex to bring a medical team for Lena and a detective team to find the assassin.

Everything was a blur from then; Lena didn’t budge an inch until Alex was there, going pale as she saw whatever damage her back had sustained. The agent bandaged the shard at the base to stabilise it, and within half an hour she was ensconced in a hospital bed and a pair of nurses were injecting her with local anaesthetic and then carefully extracting the glass. Alex had to go to deal with a pile of rogue agents who needed her attention, but Kara stayed (in her civilian clothes, to draw less attention) and kept her distance, watching anxiously as the nurses and doctors worked on Lena.

Finally, the shard was pulled out and Lena turned over with great difficulty to see it.

It was a lot larger than she’d anticipated, at least as big as an A4 piece of paper, and smeared with her blood. She went a little queasy just looking at it, wondering just how close she’d come to having that glass sever her spinal cord.

‘Do you need more pain relief?’ Kara asked, taking Lena’s hands in her own. Her eyes were clouded with worry, and Lena relaxed a little. It felt nice, knowing that someone was actually worried about her after an assassination attempt.

‘I think- I think they gave me quite enough anaesthetic,’ Lena said faintly, suppressing a shudder at the sight of the glass being deposited into a biohazard bag.

Lena was out by evening, attracting quite a lot of attention as she left even though Supergirl flew her home as discreetly as possible.

The events of the day, as well as her lack of lunch, had left Lena with a ravenous stomach. They ordered pizza and settled in for a “completely uneventful and normal night without shattered glass”, as Kara described it, and Lena, for one, was certainly looking forward to a quiet night in without assassins. The anaesthetic had largely worn off by now, leaving her back an aching mass of pain that made it difficult to walk or sit or generally get comfortable; she’d bought the best pain killers from the hospital chemist, and hoped that would be enough to at least let her sleep.

‘Alex has caught the culprit,’ Kara said, plopping down on Lena’s pristine couch and checking her phone. ‘Apparently he’s an ex-employee of yours, and he got angry because you fired him.’

Lena sighed. ‘Let me guess, is it Toby Kaine? I fired him the other week after he got his fourth warning for unsafe lab practices.’

‘Yep, that’s him.’ Kara’s eyes clouded with worry again as she looked at Lena’s pale, wan face. ‘How are you feeling? Do you want me to check your bandages?’

‘Yes please, I think I can feel it bleeding again.’

Lena tried to take off her shirt, only to wince and let her arms fall back at the spike of pain that shot up her spine.

‘Do you want me to?’-

‘Yes, please.’

She remained awkward and stiff as Kara stepped forward and placed gentle hands at her hips, fingers already curling at the hem of Lena’s shirt. Slowly, Kara lifted the shirt and helped Lena raise her arms into the least painful position so she could pull it off. Lena’s heart was hammering as she stood there in her bra, but Kara, though she had a faint pink flush to her cheeks, astutely kept her eyes steady and was as professional as Supergirl when she got Lena to turn around so she could check and replace the bandages.

‘They’re soaked,’ she muttered, unsticking the bandages with feather-gentle fingers. Goosebumps erupted on Lena’s skin at Kara’s touches, and she felt her wipe off the excess blood and dab at the wound with antiseptic before applying a fresh bandage.

‘They stitched you up pretty well, but it’s deep and still bleeding a lot,’ Kara reported, still looking upset about it all.

‘I’m not going to die again, Kara,’ Lena said, gently teasing, but softened at the look of overwhelming grief on Kara’s face.

_Too soon._

‘I wish I could give you my healing powers and invulnerability,’ Kara grumbled, pretending to be less upset than she was, but Lena placed a hand on her forearm in an attempt at comfort. 

‘My body will heal in its own time,’ she said firmly. ‘In the meanwhile, I have you.’

Kara pulled her into a very careful hug, and Lena was alarmingly distracted from her pain by the all-too-overwhelming sensation of Kara’s body heat against her bare skin. 

A few days ago, Alex had made true on her word to inform Lena about Kara’s crush status.

 _‘She’s into you,’_ was all she’d said, blunt and taciturn as usual. That let Lena know she had a chance, even if the wording was a little too vague for her liking, but she hadn’t yet made a move; even if Kara really did want her back, Lena wanted her to make the first move, to be sure that they were both ready to blur the lines of the friendship completely. She was sure that this moment was now coming much sooner than later.

Lena didn’t want to let go. She just wanted to stay in this quiet moment forever, safe in Kara’s arms, and forget about everything. She rested her head on Kara’s shoulder, breathing her familiar scent and curling her fingers into the fabric of her shirt. Kara slowly jostled them to the couch, letting Lena land on top of her, and the mood quickly changed as they tumbled over each other and burst into a fit of giggles. As the giggles subsided, Lena was keenly aware of her body pressed flush atop Kara’s and her breath hitched as she found herself staring deep into her ice-blue eyes. She was in her bra, lying in a very compromising position on top of her best friend, and the urge to _touch_ itched in her skin.

The mood switched over yet again.

‘Hi,’ breathed Kara, cheeks still dusted pink in a blush.

That fluttering in her lower belly began to stir again, and Lena really hoped Kara wasn’t listening to the chaos that was her heartbeat. But the softening of her eyes indicated that _she was definitely listening,_ and then there were big bold hands landing gently on Lena’s exposed hips, a question in Kara’s flushed face- and then Lena was leaning down, slow enough to give Kara time to back out if she wanted, but she didn’t, and then they were very definitely kissing-

Lena’s mind went blank. She’d never felt such soft lips upon hers, her bare skin was tingling in the best of ways where Kara had her hands, and the desire to tear off her remaining clothes was rapidly overtaking the pain in her back. Kara kissed back with great enthusiasm, making Lena sigh against her lips. Boldly, she let her tongue peek out in an exploratory lave, eliciting a gasp from Kara that allowed Lena to slide her tongue in, and she moaned at the sensation-

Something snapped at that, and suddenly they couldn’t get enough of each other. Kara held her close like her life depended on it and they both let their hands wander, Kara still careful to avoid the fresh wound even in her excitement, Lena finally giving in and sliding her hands into Kara’s silky blonde hair like she’d been wanting to do for months. Lena was suddenly very glad she didn’t have her shirt on, since it allowed her to fully feel Kara’s caresses on her bare torso, and after a few intense minutes she started plucking mindlessly at her bra strap in a silent question. Lena hummed in approval, pushing her chest against Kara’s in soundless encouragement. Within moments her bra was flung onto the floor, Lena was pulling Kara’s shirt off, and Lena gave a shuddering sigh of relief as soft, insistent lips and an eager hand found her exposed breasts. She took a few moments to just enjoy Kara’s attention, her arms propped on either side of her lover’s head and her hands still twined in blonde hair. She looked down. Kara’s expression was dreamlike as she swiped her tongue wetly, deliciously, against her soft nipple, and Lena was starting to feel _very_ hot all over.

Today wasn’t going as planned at all, and though her run-in with the assassin had left a lot to be desired, Kara seemed determined to make up for it and Lena ached to see how much further they would get. She returned every one of Kara’s kisses with fervour, tongues sliding languidly and messily, and Lena finally detached from her lips to drop kisses onto Kara’s cheeks, nose, her strong jawline, everywhere she could reach. Some ridiculous part of her thought that maybe, just maybe, her blatant affection would be enough to help combat some of the darkness of Kara’s past, even though she knew it never would. But perhaps it would be enough to finally show her how much she loved her, how much she wanted her, and she wanted Kara to feel her love down to her bones.

Kara moaned softly as Lena peppered kisses down her jaw again. Her hands dropped slowly and suggestively lower, and when Lena made no protest, they slid onto her ass and gave a gentle squeeze. Lena whimpered happily at the sensation and wriggled her rear, encouraging Kara further.

Finally they broke apart to take fresh gulps of air. Lena was tingling all over in the best of ways, and god help her, she was definitely turned on. She bit her lip, staring blatantly at Kara’s bra, and met her eyes. Kara’s pupils were hugely overblown with arousal; she was panting gently and her blush had extended down to her chest, and her mouth fell into a moan when Lena started up a steady grind against her pelvis. The air between them became thick with something that was definitely more than just kissing.

‘Do you… do you want to go further?’ Lena asked, voice heavy with innuendo.

Kara nodded immediately, pupils somehow managing to dilate even more so that there was barely any blue left. ‘Please,’ she gasped.

Lena hummed in pleasure as Kara squeezed her ass again, her arousal now far outstripping her pain. ‘Okay. Just let me stay on top, I don’t think I’m going to be able to lie on my back for a good while.’

Kara grinned. ‘I’ve no problems with that, ma’am.’

‘I think we may also be better off in my bed than on my couch.’

Kara leaned up, scooping her into her arms and nuzzling her shoulder as she stood up to carry Lena to her room. ‘You are _so_ full of good ideas today.’

Lena woke up the next morning holding a very naked and peaceful Kara in her arms. She breathed in the sweet smell of her lover’s hair, sighed into her warmth as Kara stirred and turned around to envelop Lena in a sleepy hug. It felt incredibly soothing and arousing at once to have their naked bodies pressed flush against each, legs twining and chests squashed close. Lena pressed her nose against Kara’s neck, making her giggle drowsily.

‘I love you,’ Lena whispered.

Still mostly asleep, Kara lifted her head to rest her chin on Lena’s head. ‘I love you too.’

And for the first time in a long while, they both thought that everything would be okay again.


End file.
